Archive for August, 2002
One Nasty Weekend
31 August 2002This weekend’s looking to suck. My parents are trying to quit smoking, and although it already looks like that’s falling through, I’m sure it’ll keep everyone on edge. Plus, we’re shopping for a car–either for me or my dad, depending on if I can drive stick.
And then there’s Genelle. Helpless feelings? Please don’t feel that way. I will always be here for you… I guarantee I won’t let some stupid, foolish thoughts of mine stop that. We’ll never have to feel helpless again, so long as we remember each other.
She’s out of town until tomorrow night. I’m going to feel like complete shit until I hear from her, because I’m afraid it’s my fault she feels like this. I was depressed last night and she was helping me through it, but in the course of it, something “stirred inside” of her. Please be here for me. I need you too.
Too Much to Write…
31 August 2002..yet nothing I feel I want to write about yet.
My Day
31 August 2002Nothing much to write about today. Genelle got her webcam; it’s so great being able to see her. So great always being able to talk too. But as for earth-shattering events, none. Tomorrow I get to drive stick, that should be interesting!
Hmm…
30 August 2002Well, another job I know I could have but doubt I will because of my school. Oh well. There are more out there, and ones I can make better money from.
New & Improved
29 August 2002That’s how I’m feeling so far this year, minus a few little bumps along the way. Life is a world away from how it was last fall, and it’s even a far cry from the pseudo-optimism I felt last semester… “Well, it could be worse” isn’t an attitude of optimism, just disparity and lack of motivation. Optimism is eagerly watching the classroom door for each new face I’ll get to know better. It’s speaking your mind and then some, because there’s no fear of embarrassment. It’s knowing you have someone in your life that might understand you better than yourself. It’s a nice feeling, and already feels like a successfull attitude.
Not much to speak of concerning my morning. Going on four hours sleep (and little more over the past week) and having to listen about typefaces and the printing industry… The most interesting thing to report about is that I nearly dozed off in class. My last class, on the other hand, was different. I learned nearly everybody’s names… Let’s see: Heather, Vicki, Katie, Roberta, Elvis, Melinda, Amy, Lyle, and Flavien. (He hails from France, by the way.) So, out of 16 people (not counting myself or Hilary), I remember nine of them already… That’s good for me. Ooh, and Amy’s sister is a screenwriter! After I’d mentioned it to the class as a hobby, she actually made the point of telling me, and offering to put us in touch sometime. That’d be great.
Well, I need to get to my final class of the day… “Professional Orientation”. It’s a one-credit class that I have only on Thursdays, sounds like it’ll be pretty simple.
Once Again…
29 August 2002The angel helped me find my way out of that dreaded mood. No depression now. Just sleep-deprivation. ;-) Thank you once again.
Tired
29 August 2002Still tired… And in a weird mood… Feel like I’m still missing something this semester… Or just haven’t fallen into the opportunities I’m anxious for. Probably starting a depressed kick again. Oh well.
Day 3
28 August 2002One wonders how long I’ll keep track of the days.
Today in my lone class, we talked about right-brain and left-brain thinking. (You’d think it was a psychology class, not visual design.) According to the quiz we took, I’m pretty balanced between the brains, perhaps a slight skew in favor of the right brain. Makes sense to me. I think with both sides, that must be why my head feels ready to explode so often. :-P
After class, I went and ate with Hilary and Lindsay… Lindsay’s a twin. (Her sister, Lesley, is in my GIT 333 class. Anyone wanna make a wager over how many times I’ll confuse their names or something this year?) Got a little insight into Hilary. She’d thrown caution to the wind three or four years ago, and gotten a little too wrapped up in a guy she knew… As a result, she has a kid and a “husband” that she rarely ever sees or hears from. Makes for a good cautionary note about throwing caution, eh? I sense the possibility of problems I’ve never helped anyone before… I’m anxious to see what they are and if I’m as useful in these more “grown-up” situations.
Not much more to my day… I’ve been sitting here for three hours trying to kill time. Not finding interest online. Don’t have the concentration for writing. I wish there was a couch I could lay out on… I’m definitely taking a nap when I get home. 2 AM conversations have been filling my life with unthinkable comfort lately, but I can’t say they’ve done the same thing to my sleep schedule. Oh well, still worth it.
Good Morning
28 August 2002That it is, after a great night. Maybe it ran a bit late, but it was well worth it. I love how, no matter how scattered and varying our thoughts may seem to each other, we’re always able to boil it down, and usually find we feel exactly the same. All by 2 AM, nonetheless.
…And Day Two
28 August 2002outta the way. :-P Not that I feel like these days are a hassle. Sure, it’d be different if I was going 15 hour days with a half dozen meetings going, and some days will certainly become a hassle when the reports and exams and part-time jobs start knocking. But for now, I’m enjoying it.
My day starts at 6:00 on Tuesdays and Thursdays now. I get up & go with my mom to the old high school, so I’m less out of the way for my grandpa, who picks me up and takes me the rest of the way to college around 8:15.
Hmm… I’ve only told half the story of my grandpa. Sure, there’s that miserable first half, where he went from spoiling me rotten to remarrying ten weeks after my grandma died to practically abandoning my family because it was hard to come to terms with. But the second half? I forgave. I’ll always remember, and the memories will always be there for me, affecting me in good and bad ways, but that’s no need to keep present situations bad. Truth is, though his wife will never replace grandma, the two of them are pretty enjoyable to be around. The most I’m annoyed by these days are their horridly narrow taste in movies. But eh, they’re old.
So, he gives me a ride to campus, just in time for my first class, GIT 233 (”Digital Illustration in Publishing”). It’s not a far cry from a class or two I had last semester, so it shouldn’t be that bad, and Prof. Duff seems like he’ll be a competent, academically demanding, but all-in-all laid back professor. Hilary, Colin, and still more familiar faces surround me in there. I don’t remember any new dating opportunities catching my eye, though. Darn.
After that, I stay in the same class for GIT 333, “Printing Technologies”. In passing last semester, Prof. Dolin seemed to be rather coarse, but from her first day material and behavior, I think she might be my best instructor this semester. The material, on the other hand, might become boring rather quick. I mean… Printing? It sounds like an interesting topic, until you spend a day or two on it. Then it’s just memorization of processes, advantages, and so forth, tedious effort for material even the instructors admit we may never use. At least she realizes it, though, and wants to keep things “tailor-made” for the class’ needs, which will be career exploration more than printing technology.
Then comes an all-too-long lunch without any food that complies with Sugar-Busters on campus. Oh well, one less meal for me. :-P I’m hoping to get lunch with Hilary once or twice in the next couple weeks, as we have our next class together. That class: COB 380, “Small Business Leadership”. Business majors are such slackers; every COB class I take is a sleeper. They must use class time to rest from their hangovers. Oh… so that’s why ASU is such a joke. Anyhow, the class does sound somewhat interesting. It’ll primarily be an opportunity to flex the business end of my people skills. And I do have pretty good people skills when it comes to business. Maybe I can make a conscious effort to translate those skills over to the rest of my life. But then, maybe it’s (finally) coming naturally.
Hilary was generous enough to give me a ride home today. Normally, I’ll be sitting in the Academic Center for a few hours. Although I wouldn’t mind that for a while; I’m still trying to get that story going. Hmm… I realize now, how much I am actually looking forward to having a car and driving. And not just for taking trips to Flagstaff, though that’s major incentive… Rather, in my waiting and my dependence on rides and no lunches, I’m looking forward to the freedom & flexibility of everyday driving. Should’ve thought of that before. =)
I stopped slacking and started exercising again tonight. Forty-five minutes of running and a fair amount of weights. I looked at myself in the mirror today, and it really doesn’t seem like much I need to lose in order to look how I want. Sure, 30-40 pounds or so, but it’s not as much as I thought, in terms of how much bulk it is on my body. Maybe it’s just an improving self-image. Eh, I’m not in the deepest of moods tonight. It sounds like I’m just reciting from a Tony Robbins book or something. But hey, I’m happy, and I like it.