Archive for February, 2003
Ahh…
27 February 2003I had a long, fruitful conversation with Genelle. I don’t know if this was what we’d once called our “connection” or just a by-product of us being open and honest and doing what we do, but we really talked about things. Had a conversation the likes of which we haven’t had since October.
And you know… I think tonight may’ve been the first time I truly realized the blessings we gained in taking the path of friendship. Sure, even though we were physical, and even though that hung us up, me especially, and caused some bad blood… Even despite all that, in choosing friendship, we allow ourselves to persevere for a long time to come. If she had taken that understanding and tried to make it romantic as she was long ago surprised not to do, we would quite simply have disappointed. And I would’ve simply been another person who’d she’d need to “outgrow”. Thank god we didn’t do that, because this is the only way I could possibly provide the permanence I’ve promised her and still hope to make good on.
You know, the position seem filled for a while by a European gentleman holding double-office, but I wonder if I can take back up a promise I made to her, one night by a river, as to what I would be for her. If we weren’t going to be romantic, then I was going to be her best friend. I mean, I don’t need her pressured into awarding me the title… I just hope with time she can come to believe it.
Picky Picky
24 February 2003Today’s secret word is: “disinterest”.
I don’t know what is up with me lately. I’ve had totally zero interest in people I’ve started to see lately. Like, an initial bit of interest, but an immediate drop-off. Dante has said to the effect that I’m just not giving anyone a chance, perhaps he’s right. (”Congratulations, I think that’s a new record. You’ve just completely bypassed the relationship and gone straight to the break-up. I guess that’ll save some time.” - Jon Favreau as Franklin “Foggy” Nelson, Daredevil) But as I see it, I just haven’t feel a great need to date lately. Like yeah, I still don’t want to be alone, so I can still be whiny about it, but I’m not afraid to be alone. And I think that’s a step forward in a way. But those whom I have been seeing are getting the short end of the stick.
Case in point: Sarah from work. I’ll suggest doing something with her.. Mind you, I haven’t been setting dates or times or anything, but on a number of occasions I’ve suggest doing something and haven’t followed through at all. But she’s handled it quite well. She tried calling me last Tuesday, and again last Thursday… I called her back that night, but obviously couldn’t do anything since I was with Dante for his birthday. I called her again Friday, suggested doing something that night… She called at 8, told me she was at a friends’ house but might wanna do something later, so I said sure. She called again an hour or so later, I just stared at the cellphone as it rang and didn’t pick it up. (”I’m impressed she still tries,” Kaleena commented at this point in the story.) And she tried calling again last night. I was at the movie theatre and had left my cellphone in the truck, so I didn’t get the call.
So I figure, she’s actually proven herself willing to put up with me being a bit of a dick… I mean, I don’t even remember a time before when a girl had a 2:1 calling ratio on me. Thus, she probably doesn’t deserve me being a dick. So, today we ate lunch together, and after work, even went out again with her for shakes and appetizers at 5 ‘n Diner.
Seems she’s dropping a few hints that she may be interested. I made a comment in conversation that “I think I might take a cold over a girlfriend” right now… I added, “unless she gives good backrubs.” She was quick to offer that she gave great backrubs. Later, she referred back to what I’d said, mumbling something like “you want a cold, that’s just not right…” and trailing off… In essence implying “You don’t want a girlfriend, that sucks.” I was relatively quick to reply, “Well, I’ve had more than my share of colds for a while, I could do without another.”
So, Sarah has definitely earned my respects. I’m still not sure exactly how interested I am, but I do enjoy her company, and she’s made too much effort for me to blow her off, so I’m definitely going to try and give her a chance, at least.
Ha
14 February 2003Now isn’t that some funny shit? I turn my computer on today, and out of over 600 songs, guess which one comes on first?
George Carlin
10 February 2003“Have you ever noticed, when driving, anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”
Well, duh George. Only I know how to drive at the right speed. Of course, there would be far fewer maniacs if I had a nice, new Mustang.
Anyhow, sup? Not much. Not even sure when my last entry was… oh yeah, the bitching about bitches entry. Oh well. I don’t need chicks and they don’t need me. It works.
So… I’ve been working like a dog on Smart-Popcorn.com and it’s really pretty much all done now. Seriously. Well, there are like three pages I have to create, but that’s it. So I’m starting to look for people to review… I want lots of people. (So if you know anyone, send them to http://www.smart-popcorn.com/apply/.) If we can get reviews on the board, we can get averages and other statistics, and if we can get those for films in theatres, I think we can get traffic.
I’m really quite excited just to have the site (practically) done. I’ve chugged through projects and finished websites before (though not so often lately), but never anything as intricate as this site. Sure, the code’s ugly and all, but the end result is beautiful.
Women
8 February 2003“We’re a generation of men raised by women… I’m beginning to wonder if another woman is really what we need.”
“There’s one bitch in the world, one bitch with many faces.”
Any other good lines about women? God dammit! 0 for 2 in one fucking day. First the chick I was supposed to meet from the ‘net has completely blown me off, and then this girl Jeanette was introducing me to tonight showed up to the movie… with her ex-boyfriend! What the hell is the deal? And Dante’s getting the same stupid crap with his misadventures in dating. I’m sick of it.
You know, I feel just fine not even bothering. Whenever I start trying or even caring about meeting someone, I get nothing but pissed off. So enough. You know, I don’t really think I even want to like anyone right now… it’s far too easy to annoy me past the point of interest. So maybe I’ll just hang up my fuckin’ dating hat for a while.
Perhaps misogynists are just guys lookin’ for some payback?
Colombia
2 February 2003Yesterday’s news would’ve once been the type to keep me glued to CNN for a week or so. Instead I managed to go back to sleep for a few hours. What accounts for such changes? Am I just one of the many who seem indifferent to human existence? No, not at all. Am I desensitized? In a manner of speaking, I suppose. But it feels most like a change of perception. After one has seen 3,000 office-goers wiped out in a matter of seconds, the idea of seven people knowingly travelling 15,000 miles per hour some 38 miles high in a glider with 100,000 moving parts… tragic, sure, but I’d consider it occupational hazard. Four people were killed in a Black Hawk helicopter crash last Thursday; are the astronauts’ lives somehow more sacred?
No. Both groups are pretty darn admirable. This is what they do, day in and day out, risking their lives for the sake of progress or safety or freedom. So I’m not so inclined to mourn them. Rather, I wish to honor them for all they’ve contributed in life.