Archive for March, 2003
Time
27 March 2003Something I observed today… It’s quite odd, I think. Have you ever realized how slowly five hours goes by sometimes, and yet often a semester passes in a blink. I stand in a cashwrap and stare at my watch like an unboiling pot, but I make plans for the weekend and find the date barrelling towards me with surprising speed. Hours crawl by as eternities, and yet weeks tick like seconds.
Another thought… Actually, some bits of a conversation:
geko1021: i’m sorry thom
geko1021: girls are trouble, what can i say
Thom Stricklin: well, that’s pretty much the conclusion I’m coming to
Thom Stricklin: I’m ready to become a monk
geko1021: lol
geko1021: yeah there’s always nirvana
Thom Stricklin: maybe Therravada Buddhism, like I was talking about? enlightenment seems so much more tangible than companionship right now
Thom Stricklin: and that seems lifetimes away
geko1021: lol
geko1021: was that a pun?
Thom Stricklin: yes
Thom Stricklin: :-P
And still another thought…
Can it be, that I weep more at hearing of something good happening, because it seems so much rarer in this day & age than something bad?
Is what I avoid from fear of pain, in actuality the absolution of that pain? Must I feel it to move past it? Duh, what would I tell someone if they asked me that question. Of course I must.
How funny that tonight I’ve had a conversation with Sjoerd the same likes of which I’ve always cherished having with Genelle, and have been wishing for as of late.
A Tale of Two Chicks
16 March 2003Hmm… Been an interesting past few days.
It started Thursday night when I went and helped Sarah get stocked up for spring break. When we were about to leave, we hugged, and she kept the hug going for a good half a minute… Well, I guess I was keeping it going too, because hey, it was a good hug. =) Then as we pulled away, she pecked a kiss on my cheek, and nearing our car doors, told me flat-out to give her a call if I’m ever looking for a date. Dude, so awesome! I don’t think I’ve ever had someone so blatantly remove any shred of doubt in my mind about their interest. Of course, she still keeps tacking on this “you’re such a sweet guy” thing, which makes me shudder as that’s usually an excuse people use to not date me or stop dating me. Maybe I’ll have to let Francois come out and do some talking. (Inside joke, read Youth in Revolt if you haven’t.)
Which led into Friday. Friday, it’d been planned to go to Kaleena’s and hang out with Lisa. Not being too presumptuous, it was also possibly a night to maybe just maybe have a little fun with Lisa… Perhaps not, I don’t know, but most of the week I’d been looking forward to it at least being a possibility. That is, until Thursday happened. After that, I had a feeling it wouldn’t quite feel right to fool around with Lisa. With my mind so freshly on Sarah, it’d be a clear-cut case of using Lisa, which, whether she’d be doing the same with me or not, I wouldn’t feel happy about. I have hormones and sometimes I wanna act on them, but I won’t be led by them.
Of course, all of this worry was for nothing. Turns out Lisa had to babysit well into midnight Friday night. So I got to chill with Kaleena, and then when Matt got home at 11 or so, him too. Man, sometimes I fail to realize how awesome it is to have an ex like Kaleena. We had a few little spats way back in the day, but we never had a serious falling out, we didn’t end things on a bad note or anything. Shoot, were there not this whole fact that she has a fiance she’s amazing with… you know, if the situation were open for her to date, I doubt we’d hesitate to date each other again. And yet, as it stands, I’m so happy with her as a friend. Hell, I enjoy hanging out with Matt too… He finishes my jokes almost on par with Danté.
So I got together with Kaleena. During the commercials, while watching Law & Order SVU (she’s addicted), we discussed the situation with the two girls. Two girls! Agh, how does this happen? Within a year or so, I go from being the guy who pines over one woman for six months at a time to the guy who can’t decide between two women who’re on the radar simultaneously. It’s insane. But I dig it. So we talk about it, and Kaleena lays it out like this: “So you have Sarah, who’s practically falling all over you…” (A hyperbole, but an enjoyable one.) “…and then you have Lisa, who doesn’t treat guys very well and…” so on. Kaleena was extremely nimble with her word choice, because she really does like Lisa, but it’s pretty obvious she doesn’t wanna see me get tossed around by her friend, especially if I have what she (and I, yeah) see as a much better opportunity.
I’m not going to drop Lisa like a rock or anything. I like Lisa, and at very least I’m going to hang out with her. Heck, I don’t really know her very well at all, I should at least give her that chance. But my goodness, what chances does Sarah deserve? We’re getting to know each other better, but still not greatly yet… And you know, yeah, I want to know. I wanna get to know her really well. My general level of interest may still be up in the air, but my behavior of indifference is no longer in effect, not with Sarah.
So I guess I’m seeing two women at once, and hopefully will actually begin “dating” one of them in the next week. My, how life changes.
64553
6 March 2003 |
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Friends
4 March 2003Well, I had an interesting day. Applied for some jobs, but most strikingly carried on a number of conversations. Chatted up script stuff with Rob, got a Tarot reading from Rhonda, got to know Lisa a fair deal better, and had a great (from my point of view, at least) conversation with Genelle. Not to mention a few little convos with Dante, Kaleena, Sammi, and… well, utilized a little medical experience with Jessy, whom insisted that a recent surgery (something akin to a mole removal, I believe) is getting infected.
Feel like I should opine on each person a bit.
Rob’s awesome. He’s always so rich with ideas. And I’m not talking simple stuff like “let’s make a story about two people in a relationship” scripts… His involves elaborate sci-fi scheming and all sorts of crazy stuff. I could never do it. I’d go crazy just trying to make the science seem halfway plausible. And yet he’s still quite apt to comment on my quaint little introspective dramas. Yes, Rob, my remake of It Happened One Night will include mutants from the future who use VR technology, I promise.
Rhonda’s cool… She’s one of those people who you can tell is unsatisfied in their relationship but knows she’s still damned lucky to have it, because love conquers. An uplifting story, when you boil it down. I think she may well be my character basis for the female lead in my IHON remake… Yeah, the one with mutants.
I’m glad I’m getting to know Lisa. Not sure how much interest there is on either end between Dante and her, so I hope he doesn’t think I’m stepping on toes, not that he has any reason. I’m just approaching it with that “this is someone I can get to know, so I’m gonna” curiosity. She’s not afraid to open up and talk about things, even to a relative stranger whose only trust she may have of him comes from the confidence of his ex-girlfriend, and I dig that.
And ah, we’re at Genelle already. She had a really shitty day, lots of doubt and all, was quite a wreck… Needless to say we had a good conversation. That seems to be how it always happens, unless I’m the one causing the shitty day, which I hope hasn’t happened too often. I guess I helped her come to some ease about her present situation, eerily similar as it may seem to one I was party to about five months ago. Likewise, I learned something from the conversation, though it was I myself who stumbled on it and quite by accident…
When you’re hurt and you think someone’s wrong or contradictory or undeserving or full of shit and you want to throw it in their face… Before you do, just ask them. Ask them calmly and simply what they think. They may be pained by their choices as it is, or they might have a simple answer that neither have as-of-yet articulated. Reading Sjoerd’s e-mail, some of my own old complaints were roused. Sure, I wasn’t mad, per say, but they were there. Yet instead of jumping on old feelings, I re-read his words and realized: “Sheesh, this guy isn’t giving her a chance. He forces his demends and then calls her selfish?” So I made sure not to do the same.
I asked her. “When it comes between love and life… your desire for finding that great love and your destiny to travel and adventure and experience things… how do they stack up against each other?”
Her answer was so simple and made so much sense… Certainly didn’t deserve weeks of heartache over.
“Love is what I live for, it will always be what I live for, but it is not what I seek. It will just come. I will travel. Love will follow, and it will fall into place eventually. Permanently.”
Dreamy, and not the sort of agreement everyone would sign up for… Not sure if I would’ve, had she told me as much last summer. But that’s who she is, take it or leave it. And if you found out too late, get what you can from it… She’s an awesome person to know, whether you live with her in a picket-fenced house for the rest of your life or not. Be grateful for your time together. I am.
Ugh… Gotta get to sleep, write a quick paper tomorrow, and take a psych test. Busy day, and made busier through procrastination. Wish me luck.