Archive for March, 2005
God must not want me to write in my journal today…
30 March 2005…but he’ll just have to make a blasphemer out of me.
*sigh* I got to work today, only to discover that my website had been hacked! Fortunately it wasn’t a cataclysmic hack, nothing I couldn’t recover, but I couldn’t admin from work so I had to walk my friend Rob through it. All this did not put me in a good mood, and I had to deal with it while handling a steady barrage of helpdesk calls. My mind’s a world away from where it was last night, but I’m intent to press on. The afternoon seems to be slowing down, so here goes.
Well, about “the new girl”… :P (The same one I’ve known for six years.) I wonder if she’d tried to drop a hint last night as to what I should do, regarding her. We actually got onto the subject of having mostly opposite-sex friends, and I questioned if I might have too many of them. I can rely on them, they’re a good safety net, but I might rely upon their safety and not go out & take risks. Some risks being good things, her advice was, “You’ve got to force yourself to do things sometimes.” I dunno, perhaps she wasn’t trying to drop a hint, but her advice could certainly be applied her direction. Bah. I’ve got the convo saved, it probably makes more sense in original form.
But force myself to do what? I was thinking about this last night, and while superficially I might claim that I’m made “the friend” by so many girls, it’s not really like that. I do it myself. It comes easy because, yeah, I’m a pretty good friend, and no, I’m not great at dating. But I think I choose it, even. Why?
I’ve always seen it as a choice between (1) dating someone for a short time, then falling out with them, or (2) keeping them in my life for a very long time, albeit as friends. Chalk it up to early experiences, I guess… My first little “relationships” in school were ill-fated & disappointing, whereas my friends have always been long-lasting. But I guess that’s kinda bullshit, isn’t it? Look at how it’s been with Genelle. (Hey you… :-P) Despite all the platonic rhetoric, we definitely crossed that line at points, and yet now that’s in the past and she & I are still friends, we can trust each other. My relation/friendship with Kaleena sorta happened in reverse order, and yet we’re still going strong. Even Clarisa & Erin (whom I hate thinking about in past tense), though we’ve lost touch, we’re still on good terms, and I at least attempted for something more w/ them.
So, maybe that mindset doesn’t hold water. Just the same, I’m not going to rush to action. I’m still very excited just to be back in touch with Jenn; I can take some time to get to know her better, and see what happens with her & Andy (which would probably be a good barometer of my own chances). And hey, at very least, I guess there’s nothing wrong with another good friend.
I’m supposed to write about life plans, aren’t I? Eh… In truth I’m not sure how much more I’ve got to say about that. The past couple of years, I’ve been all dreamy about the “big picture” goals, but haven’t paid much (any) attention about the minute steps to get there. So it’s kinda one day at a time now. I can’t make a movie until I can afford gear, props, etc. I can’t well write a screenplay until I can concentrate on it (hopefully the Stratera/ritalin will help with this) and until I can make time for it (getting done with my site upgrades). A lot of these little things that I just haven’t been paying attention that, like termites, have been eating away at the foundation for bigger plans.
When I’m ready? I wanna go back to school… I’m not crazy about having to do the whole school thing, but I want the freedom that a degree will give me, the added choices, and hey, I’m sure it’ll help my social life a bit too. After that, making movies, whether I’m laying down $5k on an introspective drama, $100 million on a sci-fi/thriller future epic, or making travel docs in obscure eastern-European countries. Or something else, I dunno… But I just want the freedom to attempt whatever I DO want. That’s my big thing right now.
I’m a review’n, critiquin’ fool
2 March 2005I don’t plan to clutter up my journal with such things, but as it’s
been a while since I’ve written a review (last August, in fact), I
thought I’d share a batch of new ones.
Constantine - Rating: 74% (S: 62, P: 88)
Cursed - Rating: 7% (S: 5%, P: 10%) <– My all-time lowest rated movie!
Hitch - Rating: 80% (S: 73%, P: 89%)
A review for Garden State is coming soon… Sometime in the next day or so, it’ll be made available here.